Androgynous Zones

He looked about fifteen. He had the full melting dark eye, and the rich complexion of the southern climes; masses of jetty curls parted on his forehead, shaded his temples and neck, and "smooth as Hebe's was his unrazored lip." It was obvious that it was his dress which called forth the sailor's sarcasm. The breast and sleeves of his jerkin were embroidered, a deep-pointed rich lace ruff embellished his neck, if neck round and smooth as alabaster could be embellished, and his head was covered with a little fantastic Spanish hat, decorated with feathers
Rereading Catherine Marine Sedgewick's  initial description of Rosa, the fallen woman who disguises herself like a young boy, I was struck by how incredibly sensuous it was. The character, who is deceived into coming to the New World by  an unscrupulous lover could easily be a lothario herself, with her "dark melting eye" and "masses of jetty curls." I mean, if I was a 15 year old girl in the 1830s I'm sure I would be swooning away with desire on my fainting couch right now. My servants would have to revive me with fans and smelling salts! Although a very thinly drawn character, Rosa intrigue lies in the fact that although she is betraying those around her and the reader with her prepubescent boy act, she has been betrayed herself. And, if you fall for her just a little bit (which I believe is clearly Sedgewick's intention here), you are forced to commiserate with her for falling for such an obvious fraud herself. Furthermore, while your desire for her is frustrated both because of social restrictions and her emotional unavailability, her love for  Sir Phillip is thwarted for the very same reasons. I guess in an ideal world, we would both reject the asshole men who don't appreciate us enough and get together with each other. Alas! Of course, presupposing that Rosa is a dude also brings up the whole issue of teenage girls being attracted to non threatening gay men. This part of Rosa's  appeal resonated deeply with me because as a young girl growing up in San Francisco, I was often attracted to the  dare I say, more delicate male sensibilities. I remember when I was fifteen my friend Zoe and I were particularly enamored by a rather fragile looking video store clerk who had a British accent.  All our hopes and dreams were shattered when we caught him making out with another guy that worked at the video store (who was also kinda cute but didn't have a British accent.) Unable to live out our desires in any tangible way, we would throw sleepover parties that involved Queer as Folk (rented at Jamie's video store, of course) marathons and eating our weight in popcorn.

Attractive Gay Men=a teenage girl's fantasy and personal tragedy

As the popularity of Justin Bieber type pop stars demonstrates this type of attraction has broad appeal, but I still think this kind of thing is especially problematic for girls in San Francisco and that it has warped me forever.

 I'm not trying to imply that Bieber is gay but that his magnetic pull for young girls operates a level similar to Rosa's. I mean, just look at his melting eye and his unrazored lip. Totally smooth as Hebes, might I add! 
Just what is it about androgyny that makes it so captivating? As I mentioned above gay men like Jamie Movies are non threatening because  acting upon your desires in an impossibility. Similarly, pursuing the affections of Justin Bieber and Rosa is a lost cause because they are in no way interested in you or even aware of your existence. In a way, this kind of attraction is purer for young straight girls than heteronormative attachments because you won't actually lose your innocence. Rather, they will forever be confined in the realm of  fantasies or fiction. Indeed,  it is doubtful that a openly gay man will ever seduce a young girl into coming to foreign land and then abandon her there. (I'm not saying it couldn't happen but I think it's not likely) Also, it's probably for the better that the late 20ish and still working in a video store Jamie Movies didn't return the attentions of innocent 15 year old girls...that would've pretty been pretty gross.

Story, Corey, Allegory...Lisa Simpson knows exactly what I'm talking about!

 However, it the unconsummated desire is also exactly what makes the whole experience so unsettling and as I mentioned earlier, warping. Indeed, it is precisely when you realize that your fantasy will always and forever be just be a fantasy and only a fantasy that you lose your innocence. I guess it's better to learn that life lesson the easy way aka through watching queer as folk and reading sentimentalist fiction than actually getting your heart broken and your life totally screwed over like Rosa. And, certainly as Rosa's demise signifies, the pursuit of such unobtainable desires is ultimately a dead end in life. At the same time, even if there was much less at stake when I crushed out over Jamie Movies, or when young girls pine over Justin Bieber, it still hurts when your dreams are tauntingly dangled in front of you, but  always out of reach.
It's also evident that harboring such romantic inclinations involves an element of self delusion...I mean, it was pretty  obvious in retrospect that Jamie Movies was gay. I was not seeing the world for what it was, but interpreting it in terms of my interests. Being older and more world weary, I saw through Rosa's act right away. I guess I'm a better "reader" of both real life and fiction now but I can't say that this didn't happen without me becoming a tad bit jaded in the process. Just as I readily identified Rosa as a girl because I'm familiar with her Shakespearean predecessors,  these days I usually assume a large of portion of the male population is gay; in both cases the thrill of attraction and allure of new possibilities is forever lost. In effect, I've seen it all before, and know what's coming and no longer care. In conclusion, here are some pictures of a Rosa inspired outfit. I regret not being able to make as Foppish as I initially intended. Another one of life's bitter realities, I suppose.

Thanks to Phoebe Morgan for being an awesome model and thanks to my godparents for letting me use their stores of costume clothing and their beautiful house as the location for these pictures